No More Suits for Don Cherry
Don Cherry goofed, Your Honour.
He admitted as much. He went all Gordon Ramsay on the wrong kitchen hands, put on his best technicolour coat of contrition and admitted he was “100% wrong”. He demonstrated enough remorse to bring a tear to the eye of the Wiserhood men. As counsel for Mr Cherry, I can provide Your Honour with an absolute assurance it won’t happen again.
How is that possible, you ask? How can we be sure this isn’t the first instalment of a ‘Rue ‘em, Sue ‘em’ series? Simple, Your Honour. From this day forward, Mr Cherry, upon my advice, will be exercising more discipline. Not for research – like the rest of the league with Andrew Alberts, he will continue to skate around this with ease. No, the defendant will be much more selective in his targets for the puke bucket:
Don Cherry will only abuse players whose names he cannot pronounce.
Think about it, Your Honour. Is it not the perfect way to guarantee the future’s only suit threats come from my client’s own closet? When “Lalongo” lets in another stinker from behind the goal line, can the harangued subject’s identity be established beyond a reasonable doubt? When “Biesska” is mocked for putting another stretch pass directly onto the tape of the opposition’s top goal-scorer, can a jury be sure a defamation has actually taken place? It is foolproof, Your Honour. Mr Cherry will be able to continue his wanton honey-badgering without fear of legal recourse. And we will continue to be riveted by his antics, oblivious to the real targets of his ire, safe in the knowledge that no actual hockey players were harmed in the filming of ‘Coach’s Corner’.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, Your Honour, I am defending another client next door. A Mr Asham. Some trumped-up, excessive sign-language charge.
