- Thou shalt have no gods other than Jeremy Lin
- Thou shalt not have graven images of Snooki
- Thou shalt not murder unless it is Isaiah Thomas
- Thou shalt not use Eli’s name in vain
- Thou shalt not covet Suzy Kolber’s kiss
(Pic Source: thevictoryformation.com)
So, who can explain the Shockers’ untimely demise at the hands of VCU in week one of the NCAA tourney? Was their February dominance false foreplay? Did their March scuffling poke too many holes in their confidence? Or was it simply a case of Shaka > Shocker at the Dance?
We at the Digress can explain. Here are our three finger points of blame:
- Coach Gregg Marshall - Marshall’s cruddy tourney record coming in was well documented, and he did nothing to advance any alternative argument with his pwning by Shaka Smart. His strategy for combating VCU’s full court pressure in the first half seemed to be ‘lie back and think of wheat until it’s over’.
- C Garrett Stutz - The big man played only 17 minutes, went 2-11 from the field and missed the last second three to force overtime. He was great all season but went utterly frigid in the year’s biggest game. He didn’t just shit the bed, he shat over a good portion of the state of Kansas.
- WuShock - For college basketball’s premier ‘lock up your daughters’ mascot, WuShock was disappointingly lacking in game-turning mayhem. Where were the inadvertent trippings? The random pantsings? The thinly-veiled threats to the VCU Rams’ extended family? If WSU is to be successful in years to come, Wu Shock must be the knee-capping, bowel-opening, pathological difference-maker we know he can be.