PICK: RUSSIAN HIGH JUMPER, IVAN UKHOV
If the West Coast Digress ever sponsors an athlete, London high-jump gold medallist, Ivan Ukhov, will be the one. Four years ago, he was reprimanded by the IAAF (and immediately ushered into the WCD Hall of Fame) for competing whilst pissed and re-defining the phrase “drinking yourself under the bar”. On Day 11 of the thirtieth Olympiad, Ukhov might’ve had a couple of settlers - he lost his vest at one stage during the competition and went to a back-up shirt that may or may not have had pizza stains on it - but not enough to stop him clearing 2.38 and proofing his greatness.
FLICK: ITALIAN RACE WALKER, DRUG CHEAT AND GUILT-MONGER, ALEX SCHWAZER
There ought to be an unspoken rule for sprung dopers: If you get caught, at least let it be in a proper sport. Italian Alex Schwazer - a gold medallist in Beijing - not only disgraced himself by testing positive for EPO, he took it to get an unfair advantage in…wait for it…race-walking. Yes, Schwazer ruined his career, reputation and future life by seeking to stroll a little quicker than the next man.
The latest reports indicate a guilt-riddled Schwazer is relieved the deception is over, but will continue to race walk. Clearly, he remains on a drug of some description.