A genuinely contrite but dubiously oblivious Yunel Escobar claimed the homophobic slur on his eye black during Saturday’s game against Boston was just a joke. Amidst the deserved tsunami of outrage, Blue Jay front office scrambling and predictable lost-in-translation’ defence, one thing became apparent: if Escobar thinks this stuff is funny, then clearly he needs serious comedic education.
Let us oblige. Here’s a sampling of proper jokes Escobar ought to have scribbled on his eye black:
My dog has no nose…
A harmless, hilarious comedy standard. Can be worn by any athlete (Michael Vick excepted).
What’s the difference between Ricky Romero and UPS? UPS can throw strikes…
Funny because it’s true. Might cause some level of dissent in the clubhouse, but might also earn Escobar a spot in the Jays’ leadership group.
Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical.
Nothing like aYogi Berra quote to endear yourself to the masses (N.B Berra neglected to mention that an additional 10 percent is steroidal).
It has been said that the best jokes are sad jokes. The ‘Stros should have a permanent gig in Vegas.
Pete Rose walks into a bar…
More of a ‘smile knowingly’ sort of jape. One that would split Bud Selig’s sides, but perhaps too old school for the hipster MLB kids of today.